But I really can’t put my finger on them. There are so many layers of me that are screaming to be addressed but I ain’t sure which one to look at first.
I am scared to look through my soul. What if there’s someone else who wants to take birth? What if my whole existence is a lie?
Will I be able to adjust to the recent indifference I am experiencing? Indifference to people, their opinions of me, and the world.
Will I be able to embrace myself the way I look? Coz I have always known that in order to “fit” into the society, one has to look a certain way, carry a certain posture, and listen to the same intertwined tales that are modified a little bit to look different.
I find a certain acceptance of me, a certain light, and a certain way of life that I was alien to. I am more gentler and slower. Am I supposed to be slow in the fast paced world? Am I supposed to be gentle that demands you to be street smart and always takes you for granted?
There are a thousand capabilities springing up within me and I am scared that they might open a new world, a new portal for me where things are different. Where the only language spoken is of love and the only ambition is to learn it.
May be I’ll be the first of the many to come to this new world, maybe that’s why I enjoy solitude so much, and maybe that’s why I never understood the ways of this world coz I wasn’t meant to be born here.
There’s conflict, chaos in my heart and my head is in shambles coz my feet are on two boats and I have got to choose only one.
There are thousand voices screaming inside of me and I think it’s time to listen to each one of them.
Smita in words 