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They say there are places in a man’s heart that does not exist and only when suffering gets into it, they start to live. I would say, there are places in a woman’s heart also that don’t exist and only when happiness enters it, they start to live.

Woman, the most enigmatic, delicate, beautiful and the strongest beings on the planet. Beings who carry a whole universe within them and expand to give birth to another universe in form of a baby. Isn’t it magical?

I too have a universe within me and there are definitely places that are uncharted, places that are waiting to be discovered and seen, places that are desperately waiting to be loved and even more desperate to love me back.

What could quench the thirst of my parched soul? Is it self discovery or looking face to face at the wounds I always pushed and buried. Visiting the places of my heart that I was scared to even look at wondering what beast it would unveil. Today, as I mustered the courage to finally address the wounds and acknowledge the places in my heart, I see a beautiful garden of love, compassion, empathy. And, I am happy to have gone through the most gut wrenching experiences of my life because without them, I wouldn’t have discovered this whole new universe within me, waiting to expand, grow, heal and love.

Innately, I have always been a fighter. I was never scared of adversities, i never shied away from responsibilities, always put my best foot forward irrespective of the situation.

Even during the darkest phase of my life, I dreamt of being the light to guide others to healing. Even when I fell, I grabbed as many hands as I could to rise with me.

I thought I’ll show the world what healing looks like, how faith transforms your world and that resilience is not just a word.

But here I am, writing a different story today. Don’t get me wrong. I am not cynical. I have just seen too much.

Life is not a bitch. No, but it’s also not a saint. Ain’t sure how it teaches you, because they say life is a teacher, but I sure know how it breaks you, your idea about life and your faith.

They say what’s a person without a little faith? I say look at me. Here I am still standing tall without even an ounce of faith, dreams, or hope.

I stand tall. Yes, not limping, without a whimper, letting life twist me as it pleases. Maybe this is what healing looks like.

But I’ll tell you something. Behind the exterior, I have a heart in shards and a mind in shambles.

If you ask me who am I? I’ll say I am a healed person for the books and a broken shell in the grand scheme of things.

So here’s my truth: congratulations to me.

For surviving.

Not for living.

Her screams have become screeching –

loud, jagged, almost deafening.

She revolted with them for most of her life,

but now her weapons fail her.

Inside her is a place untraced,

walled in by giants she never built –

walls she was born with.

Before she was born, they warned her:

your life will be crestfallen

by your own hands.

She carries the weight of what she never chose,

yet carved a home in her heart

for those screams to take shelter.

Now she is helpless,

raided by pain.

If only she could break the walls

and free the one trapped inside.

If only she could dig

into the depths of her soul,

to gather pieces lost across dimensions,

fighting battles not hers alone,

but the collective’s.

She needs help.

She needs release.

She glimpses the one waiting –

patient, unwavering,

beyond the walls.

One day, perhaps,

they will meet.

One day, perhaps,

the walls will fall.

Her heart raced undulatingly, rising and falling like the tide, caught between longing and fear.

Writhing in pain, she lied on the bed without a whimper. The wound wasn’t spewing any blood, rather it rose and fell – the heart ache that was never still, never quite.

As she closed her eyes, her past danced in front of her. A girl, once chirpy and cheerful, lost in her books and her looks, she was all about vanity and sanity. What rocked her boat was endless hours of reading and making plans for her future.

Although she reveled in rich culture and history, she was a mushy old-fashioned romantic who longed to fall in love with a man of mystery.

She met him at a coffee shop. Shabby hair, glasses and a superhero T-shirt – when their eyes locked, it was nothing less than fireworks.

Their courtship was nothing less than a fairy tale. Long walks by the beach, weekend gateways, and romantic dates.

“It was too good to be true” – she thought. And she was right. The man who once swept her off the feet soon turned her world upside down.

So what went wrong? The same old. When you try to read a book too close to your eyes, it never works.

They were two lost souls in the face of storm. The rain never stopped neither did the distance between them

Tracing the outline of a love that no longer existed, she rested her head on the pillow and let her tears trickle down her face for the last time.

She moved on, but the echoes of his love still whispered in her silence.

She smiled again, laughed again—but deep inside, the pain still lived, quiet but never gone.

We talk about feeling blue, but the sky embraces it with pride

We talk about zits and dips, but the moon, with all its imperfections, has poems written on it

We talk about the veiny hands, but does the map complain of all the lines?

Life is but an amalgamation of ebbs and flows, then why whine?

The things that makes the chest flare up with pride are temporary, then why feel the high?

Rivers, mountains, trees, and valleys are the immovable allies we don’t know

Everything else is just a facade and a great show

Things that do not make sense at all

Trust the heart and stand tall

Life may seem frivolous sometimes

But we need not always make lemonade when hurled with limes

Her eyes were blurry; it was like a dense fog settling in front of her but she couldn’t reach out to wipe it. Tears rolling down her eyes, a sharp knife jabbed at the end of her spine. The pain was unbearable, but the pain of betrayal was excruciating.

After multiple efforts to remove the knife, she finally managed to get it out of her and let the blood ooze out of her body. She was ready to die. After all, there was no purpose for her to live.

As she bled out to death, she feared to turn to her right. For he, the love of his life, the only kind of love she had known and owned, was lying dead beside her.

Stevie, once used to be a girl about town. Her dark brown eyes and mysterious looks always attracted strangers and she never denied the pleasure of her crimson lips and porcelain body to anyone. Until one day she met him and felt a sweet pain in her stomach almost instantly.

As she reminisced her time with him in her last few seconds, she wished to have just one more moment of intimacy with him. Abandoned at the time of birth, Stevie was a foster child and moved from one home to another. Having molested all her life, sex was the only form of intimacy she knew of, until she met David.

David, was a journalist, who had to travel places to get news for the local channel. Having raised in a happy family, he knew the importance of respect and consent when it comes to love, for without them, love is fleeting and meaningless. Like others, he was also instantly attracted to Stevie but he saw something else in her that none of the men in her town could fathom. He saw a restless little girl, fighting a storm in her soul but has masked all the chinks in her armour with her wit and beauty.

David and Stevie spoke about things that most conventional couples do not talk about, and that was intimacy for them. They spoke about stars, moons and the cosmos, about how life is mysterious, about the presence of god and spirituality. Stevie always had a knack of reading but never got to discuss these things with anybody.

One day, David came home elated, adrenaline rushing through his body. He cracked the biggest deal of his career and was going to interview the President. He asked Stevie to accompany him. Stevie was happy for David but happier that for the first time she will be travelling with the love of her life.

As the love birds started their journey, Stevie was over the moon. She felt safe, relaxed and did not have the urge to impress anyone. She was home. For her, home was not four walls but the four chambers of David’s heart. At night, David decided to halt as the journey was turning out to be quite cumbersome. They were travelling from Illinois to Washington by road. As they had plenty of time in hand, David decided to ditch the plane and take Stevie on a road trip.

Unfortunately, all the hotels were shut down owing to a local curfew. David freaked out as he was concerned about Stevie’s safety. In a distance, David heard a faint sound but it was terrifying. He went to enquire and found a boy struggling to save his life. Caught in the middle of the curfew, a goon attached the boy, Mutt, who was returning home with his father Roland. David saved their life by fighting with the goons and drove them safely to their home. Impressed, Roland offered to help the distressed couple looking for a place to crash.

Delighted, Stevie and David rested and cooked a delicious meal together and had a wonderful time at supper. In the morning, as the couple were about to leave, David gets to know that the President is in Illinois owing to handle the situation in the area. David’s happiness knew no bounds. He asked Roland if Stevie could stay there till he gets back from the interview. Roland happily agreed.

It was late in the night, David had informed Stevie that he is on his way and has a surprise for her. Her stomach growled with butterflies. Is he going to ask “the ” question? Tossing and turning in her bed, she waited for David with bated breath. Just then, she felt a hand on her thigh, caressing and going up her dress. She turned wondering it was David, but was completely taken aback to see Mutt.

Mutt was a tall, lean guy with handsome features. All the while during their interactions, he was quite but the couple guessed that he may just be an introvert. Stevie jumped out of her bed and tried to stop Mutt from groping her. Just then David entered. He understood the situation instantly and went to help Stevie. Just then a sharp pain ran down his spine. As he turned, he saw Roland with a knife. David instantly lost control and fell on the ground dead.

It was as if life played the biggest joke on Stevie. She couldn’t believe that the one thing that she loved with all her heart is no more. As the father and son duo tried to grope her again, Stevie fought for her life but was also stabbed by Mutt.

Lying down, she found a ring in David’s hands. She cried inconsolably. As she took her last breath, she hoped David would somehow hear her and wispered, “we shall meet again.”

Since its origin with the big bang between 13 to 15 billion years ago, the universe has unfurled a story of majesty and wonder. There’s much we think we grasp, but so much more that leaves us in the dark (ironically, 95% of the cosmos is made up of dark matter). Some call it spells, some prayer, a whole lot call it manifestation, and scientists name it quantum physics, everyone’s arguing over the name but no one’s really denying it. What is the force that drives the cosmos to behave in just the right way to ensure everything exists in balance?

For instance, take our own home planet, the atmosphere, the electromagnetic force, axis of the Earth, and the gravity are all just right to survive life on the planet. How is that possible? As an afficionado myself, I can attest to the fact that once you immerse yourself into the world of planets, stars, and galaxies, you will no longer be interested in the usual rut of our lives. People go to lengths to learn about the mystery that the space is, and you don’t have to be a scientist to have a curious mind.

In the last decade, we’ve taken photos of black holes, peered into the heart of atoms, and looked back at the birth of the universe. And yet, there are yawning gaps in our understanding of the universe.

Humans are bound by the laws of a country. But do you know that even the universe is governed by laws? Yes, there are 12 universal laws (google.com has all the details) that it abides by and believe it or not, it affects us all too.

1. The law of divine oneness
2. The law of vibration
3. The law of correspondence
4. The law of Attraction
5. The law of inspired action
6. The law of perpetual transmutation of energy
7. The law of cause and effect
8. The law of compensation
9. The law of relativity
10. The law of polarity
11. The law of rhythm
12. The Law of gender

The laws that govern the universe also make us who we are (quite literally), including the way we feel (The law of divine oneness), perceive (the law of correspondence), attract (the law of vibration), or manifest (the law of attraction).

As Carl Sagan once said, we’re all made of the stardust, and rightly so, if you look closely, you can find the uncanny resonance we share with the universe. Starting from the birth of a star to its explosion, the journey is same as that of a human being. Just like a star, human beings, in fact all the life forms, have a natural glow (the aura), and it never dies, just transforms into a different entity or a star.

Time is relative, and so what looks like an event that happened in the past or may happen in the future is not really true. We, the beings of the Earth, are used to living in a three-dimensional world, but the space has endless dimensions and possibilities just like its endlessness. Time travel and the concept of multiverse (courtesy the Marvel movies and Interstellar) have got people to think that there’s more to what we see and perceive.

So, to conclude, the reason I am sharing my two cents on this subject is because I want to encourage everyone to be their authentic selves and not try to fit into something they are not. Nothing’s permanent. Nothing’s going to last forever. The universe is ever expanding, then why limit yourself? Do what your heart wants, because that’s where everything begins and that’s where all ends.

Springing inside me, dancing to the tunes of my heart? Things that I once repelled are softening me in ways I can’t explain. People that I thought I would never talk to again because of the ways they have hurt me, are somehow making a place in my heart again.

Is that what forgiveness is called? Or is it empathy. I gained perspective the minute I understood the reason of my sorrow. It somehow didn’t make me mad but surprisingly made me smile.

Guess somethings are worth melting for. Maybe I wasn’t at peace because I was happy and they weren’t. I melted the minute I saw them happy. How is this natural? Am I seeking happiness around me so much that it came back looking for me? Have I been focused on love so much that the pain body inside me melted?

Some say there’s magic everywhere. I never found it even though I desperately looked for it everywhere except within myself. I guess when they talked about magic, they meant the magic within us. An iridescent glow blinded me and tears started flowing through my eyes. When I checked, the glow came from within me.

Is this a new growth? I don’t know. All I know is that there’s fire in it and it’s burning the bridges I had with myself.

But I really can’t put my finger on them. There are so many layers of me that are screaming to be addressed but I ain’t sure which one to look at first.

I am scared to look through my soul. What if there’s someone else who wants to take birth? What if my whole existence is a lie?

Will I be able to adjust to the recent indifference I am experiencing? Indifference to people, their opinions of me, and the world.

Will I be able to embrace myself the way I look? Coz I have always known that in order to “fit” into the society, one has to look a certain way, carry a certain posture, and listen to the same intertwined tales that are modified a little bit to look different.

I find a certain acceptance of me, a certain light, and a certain way of life that I was alien to. I am more gentler and slower. Am I supposed to be slow in the fast paced world? Am I supposed to be gentle that demands you to be street smart and always takes you for granted?

There are a thousand capabilities springing up within me and I am scared that they might open a new world, a new portal for me where things are different. Where the only language spoken is of love and the only ambition is to learn it.

May be I’ll be the first of the many to come to this new world, maybe that’s why I enjoy solitude so much, and maybe that’s why I never understood the ways of this world coz I wasn’t meant to be born here.

There’s conflict, chaos in my heart and my head is in shambles coz my feet are on two boats and I have got to choose only one.

There are thousand voices screaming inside of me and I think it’s time to listen to each one of them.